Parked in the Hills
Thursday, August 19, 2010
A new start
I am sitting in the mountains near Lake Tahoe and just finished reading Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. It has changed some of my views of me a person and the way that I have viewed the journey. It has truly changed the way that I will move forward and how I will engage those that I meet. It has helped me to see that the loneliness I felt in my last post is not how I perceived it. I knew that I was not alone, though I could not tell why I still felt alone. I now know. I now know how to change that feeling, and I am. I have held resentments towards people that I can now release. This is no indication that I am now an evolved spirit just because I have read this book, but I can now work towards that peace in a much easier way. I am now aware of the power within me that I was not aware of or how to tap into. As I move forward, from this day on, I will do so with the intent of TRUE love in my heart and not by the illusion of true love that that I may have been blinded by in my past. I have always felt that I am a person of love and peace, but I have realized that the love I gave, though honest, was still self serving. Through the insight of my Teachers and my Friends around me, I have been able to realize this more fully. I here by release this from my soul to the universe and truly give myself over the direction that the Universe and my true Soul has set out for me. I do this without fear. I am excited to see how my life changes from here going forward. With that, I am back on the road.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Lonleyness Vs. Lonley
As I write these words, tears fall. I am not sure why, it is just an emotion that comes around once in a while. I feel that it may be because I am lonely. But that word is difficult to define, especially for me. I am surrounded by so many people that love and care for me, everywhere I stop, I have been welcomed with open arms. Very little of my time is truly spent alone, so how can I be lonely? The difference between being alone and being lonely are worlds apart, but are separated by only a very thin line. this is why, I think, I have such a hard time feeling like I feel lonely, when I am really only alone. And, again, I am not alone. Trying to discern the difference in my mind is difficult, especially when emotions get in the way.
I am in a place of peace and happiness. My heart is truly full of joy. I am trying (which is a defeating attitude) to draw from the joy in my heart to elevate the loneliness. But by "trying", I am not truly doing. I still do not understand why I block myself from implementing the things I know to be true. But, this is a subject for another time.
I am not sure where I am going with this post. I suppose, as I said in the beginning, this is Blog is more for me than anyone else. My writing has always been more for me than anyone else. It has always been an outlet and a way for me to process. I have all the answers I need to change my thoughts and there in my emotions. My friend Collette would say at this moment...."have you read seat of the soul yet?" And I would say no, but I will soon. My father.....years ago....would have said "quit being a baby, it ain't that bad< your not dieing". He would say the same thing today, but he would say it a little softer. My little brother would say "you ain't lonely, you got me" and we would laugh together.
Better yet, this morning, the owner of the property that I am staying at....whom I have never met (he is the landlord to Mike, the tenant of the building who is letting me park here while I am doing training with his company) knocks on my door and tells me that is happy to have me here and that if I ever come back through SLC, just call him and I am free to park here. an hour later, I had a great conversation with Robert, the lawn guy across the street. We had a brief "introduction" of sorts about a week ago. In less than 1/2 hour of conversation, we knew more about each other and each others character then I have knew about people I have know for many years. I can call this person my friend. I will discuss the definition of "friend" another time. Only to say now, that, no amount of time (knowing someone) can define a friendship. It is like love at first sight in a way. You just know. My friend Paul and I are going shopping and then later tonite we are meeting with a bunch of friends and going to the Toby Keith concert. Tomorrow I am sure that I will meet new friends at the Salt Flats. So I ask myself, how can I be alone?
This is the question I will answer. If not today, then it will be tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then it will be the next day. I know this.
The picture is of Robert and I. My new friend.
Namaste
I am in a place of peace and happiness. My heart is truly full of joy. I am trying (which is a defeating attitude) to draw from the joy in my heart to elevate the loneliness. But by "trying", I am not truly doing. I still do not understand why I block myself from implementing the things I know to be true. But, this is a subject for another time.
I am not sure where I am going with this post. I suppose, as I said in the beginning, this is Blog is more for me than anyone else. My writing has always been more for me than anyone else. It has always been an outlet and a way for me to process. I have all the answers I need to change my thoughts and there in my emotions. My friend Collette would say at this moment...."have you read seat of the soul yet?" And I would say no, but I will soon. My father.....years ago....would have said "quit being a baby, it ain't that bad< your not dieing". He would say the same thing today, but he would say it a little softer. My little brother would say "you ain't lonely, you got me" and we would laugh together.
Better yet, this morning, the owner of the property that I am staying at....whom I have never met (he is the landlord to Mike, the tenant of the building who is letting me park here while I am doing training with his company) knocks on my door and tells me that is happy to have me here and that if I ever come back through SLC, just call him and I am free to park here. an hour later, I had a great conversation with Robert, the lawn guy across the street. We had a brief "introduction" of sorts about a week ago. In less than 1/2 hour of conversation, we knew more about each other and each others character then I have knew about people I have know for many years. I can call this person my friend. I will discuss the definition of "friend" another time. Only to say now, that, no amount of time (knowing someone) can define a friendship. It is like love at first sight in a way. You just know. My friend Paul and I are going shopping and then later tonite we are meeting with a bunch of friends and going to the Toby Keith concert. Tomorrow I am sure that I will meet new friends at the Salt Flats. So I ask myself, how can I be alone?
This is the question I will answer. If not today, then it will be tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then it will be the next day. I know this.
The picture is of Robert and I. My new friend.
Namaste
Monday, August 9, 2010
sharing a smile
This was sent to me in an email, and I wanted to share it. it is what I am to do in my life.
Twinkies and Root Beer
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.
The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.
Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?
"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!
~author unknown~
So often, we affect people and we do not even know it. This happens for good and bad. I try to compliment, say hello, pass a smile to as many people as I can on a daily basis. I know that it is so simple to do and can bring so much joy to another person. You never know when that word of kindness or that simple smile that you shared that day with a stranger may have been the one thing they needed to no end their life that day. You may never get the "credit" for doing this, but if you live your life spreading that love always, then you can go through you life knowing that you have changed others lives, even if their is no proof. I challenge all of you to share a smile or a kind word today. You will find that it will also make you happy.
I wrote this in 1993
28 Smile
People are mean
in this world Of ours
They have rude weapons
Like voices and cars
They say fuck you asshole
honk their horns for awhile
And I like to rebuttal
With just a small smile.
Because I learned as a child
And confirmed as an adult
That a smile is something
Not caused by a fault
It is something that happens
When you feel joy inside
And it is so very powerful
That you cannot hide
The power that it has
And the beauty that it shows
With a smile on your face
Everybody knows
That your happy or joyous
Or up to something sly
But when people see that smile
They usually don’t wonder why
So when you’re mad or sad
Or even glad
Then give your face something
To do
Lift your cheeks
And make a smile
I do it quite a lot
And I hope that you will too.
Tommy T Cook
Twinkies and Root Beer
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with Twinkies and a six-pack of Root Beer and he started his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an elderly man. The man was sitting in the park just feeding some pigeons.
The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the man looked hungry, so he offered him a Twinkie.
The man gratefully accepted it and smiled at boy. His smile was so pleasant that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer.
Again, the man smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As it grew dark, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave, but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the man, and gave him a hug. The man gave him his biggest smile ever.
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?
"He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? God's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the elderly man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked," Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I ate Twinkies in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added," You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Embrace all equally!
~author unknown~
So often, we affect people and we do not even know it. This happens for good and bad. I try to compliment, say hello, pass a smile to as many people as I can on a daily basis. I know that it is so simple to do and can bring so much joy to another person. You never know when that word of kindness or that simple smile that you shared that day with a stranger may have been the one thing they needed to no end their life that day. You may never get the "credit" for doing this, but if you live your life spreading that love always, then you can go through you life knowing that you have changed others lives, even if their is no proof. I challenge all of you to share a smile or a kind word today. You will find that it will also make you happy.
I wrote this in 1993
28 Smile
People are mean
in this world Of ours
They have rude weapons
Like voices and cars
They say fuck you asshole
honk their horns for awhile
And I like to rebuttal
With just a small smile.
Because I learned as a child
And confirmed as an adult
That a smile is something
Not caused by a fault
It is something that happens
When you feel joy inside
And it is so very powerful
That you cannot hide
The power that it has
And the beauty that it shows
With a smile on your face
Everybody knows
That your happy or joyous
Or up to something sly
But when people see that smile
They usually don’t wonder why
So when you’re mad or sad
Or even glad
Then give your face something
To do
Lift your cheeks
And make a smile
I do it quite a lot
And I hope that you will too.
Tommy T Cook
Sunday, August 1, 2010
weeks of goodbyes
These past few weeks have been a big part of the transition or direction that my life has taken. though it has been very growing, it has also been very saddening. I find that as I have been traveling, I have been having a lot of goodbyes. they say that you shouldn't say goodbye, as it is too permanent.....they say you should say "see you later". this is great in theory, but it does not change the fact that I am leaving the presence of someone and that that movement creates emotions...no matter how you spin it.
In January I said goodbye to everything I know and ventured off into the wild blue yonder. the goodbyes I have had since then have been more with new friends, which is a little easier as that emotional bond is not as strong as with old friends and ones you love. I know I will be having a lot of these goodbyes in the future.
Over the last couple months I have had to say good bye to Collette, whom I have been with for almost 2 years and also to her dog John, which just made me miss my dog Batman even worse.
I had to say goodbye to Judy, who became a close friend and taught me more about our lives and God's roll in them.
I had to say good bye to my little brother Mike, whom I had not seen in sometime and likely will not see again soon. though he works too much, our time together was enjoyed doing what we do...concrete. this is just how the Cooks roll.
I had to say goodbye to my tools in Houston. this was a hard goodbye for me because I loved my tools very much! They have always been there for me.
I had to say goodbye to an old friend Linda, and to her new love Vic, after not seeing her for 7 years, and knowing it may be that long again.
I had to say good bye to a friend from high school, who just happened to live near Phoenix and I had not seen in 23 years and found me on Facebook....three hours was just not enough time to catch up and then say goodbye.
I had to say good bye to my friends in Phoenix...Jim and Brandon....and all the others I met and those I didn't even get a chance to see. Don't know when I will get back to Phoenix. I can only hope to see them at the conferences or WOC.
I had to say goodbye a second time to Judy. This time she gave of her food, her beer, her home, her Xowii, her couch and spare bedroom and all her music. She gave me the gift of a friend to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, and another Aqurian who thinks like I do. She gave of her heart, to help mend mine. She truly gave me the gift of Joy and a true friend.
I had to say goodbye to Weiser and Mia. After now having seen 8 Below, I feel like I understand Mia a little more, and knowing that Weiser was not long for this world, made saying goodbye to him harder, as it was really a goodbye.
Saying goodbye to Collette for a second time was harder than the last time because the feelings were different and this time I won't see her again, maybe for a long time. We spent a day at the Grand Canyon, both for the first time, and for the first time as friends. I am still a little confused, for my own reasons, as to why people are the way they are, but I have learned from Collette that we can not be mad at someone for being who they are, or get madder that we can not change them. Love exists where there is no judgment. this is pure love. It is not easy have it ...and hold it. To do so means you have to truly let go of self. To just.....be.....and let be. I am working hard at being this person in my life, to be able to just let go. FUCK...it is not easy. Collette showed me, maybe unknowingly, that true beauty is not seen, it is felt. And true beauty is love, and to feel it, you have to stop looking. Collette gave me the ability to feel that love, but I am human and could not hold on.
I had to say goodbye to John, Collette's German Shepard. He has become a friend to me like no other dog, even my best bud Batman. Even though John knew mom was the boss, he gave me a position of alpha in his pak, but still let me know when I was crossing a line. We became very good friend. I think it was hardest saying goodbye to him, as he knows I am not there again and will continue to look out the window each time he hears motorcycle thinking it might be me. Interestingly enough, he won't sit around and sulk about missing me, he will grab a ball and go play...and live in the moment. The goodbye is gone and over. Noe there is a ball in front of me, time to play ball. When he hears that motorcycle again, he will be excited thinking it is me. when it is not....he will play with the ball again, not sulk that it was not me again. I will miss him the most, knowing that he does not miss me but lives in the moment of joy every time he thinks it's me.
Later today I say goodbye to Lynda and Whalen, who have opened their home to me more than once and have become close friends. they shared with me the beauty of friendship and the opportunity to see the beauty of this world of ours. I am thankful that I will get to see them again soon, if things work out.
We as humans could learn alot from our animals. One day I will be able to live fully with that joy that all dogs find in each moment. To live fully in that moment, not in the future that goodbyes bring, or in the past where everything exists as a goodbye. but in that moment. that pure moment of joy. every goodbye is a moment of joy, because I am with that person at that moment.
Today I begin my life of moments. (wow, that is going to be a big journal) I will judge no one. I will NOT judge myself. If I fail, I will move on to the next moment. That which is done is done, and I will not live in the past. I will live each moment without regret and to the fullest for the moment that it is. I will do this for me, to share with others.
Namaste
In January I said goodbye to everything I know and ventured off into the wild blue yonder. the goodbyes I have had since then have been more with new friends, which is a little easier as that emotional bond is not as strong as with old friends and ones you love. I know I will be having a lot of these goodbyes in the future.
Over the last couple months I have had to say good bye to Collette, whom I have been with for almost 2 years and also to her dog John, which just made me miss my dog Batman even worse.
I had to say goodbye to Judy, who became a close friend and taught me more about our lives and God's roll in them.
I had to say good bye to my little brother Mike, whom I had not seen in sometime and likely will not see again soon. though he works too much, our time together was enjoyed doing what we do...concrete. this is just how the Cooks roll.
I had to say goodbye to my tools in Houston. this was a hard goodbye for me because I loved my tools very much! They have always been there for me.
I had to say goodbye to an old friend Linda, and to her new love Vic, after not seeing her for 7 years, and knowing it may be that long again.
I had to say good bye to a friend from high school, who just happened to live near Phoenix and I had not seen in 23 years and found me on Facebook....three hours was just not enough time to catch up and then say goodbye.
I had to say good bye to my friends in Phoenix...Jim and Brandon....and all the others I met and those I didn't even get a chance to see. Don't know when I will get back to Phoenix. I can only hope to see them at the conferences or WOC.
I had to say goodbye a second time to Judy. This time she gave of her food, her beer, her home, her Xowii, her couch and spare bedroom and all her music. She gave me the gift of a friend to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, and another Aqurian who thinks like I do. She gave of her heart, to help mend mine. She truly gave me the gift of Joy and a true friend.
I had to say goodbye to Weiser and Mia. After now having seen 8 Below, I feel like I understand Mia a little more, and knowing that Weiser was not long for this world, made saying goodbye to him harder, as it was really a goodbye.
Saying goodbye to Collette for a second time was harder than the last time because the feelings were different and this time I won't see her again, maybe for a long time. We spent a day at the Grand Canyon, both for the first time, and for the first time as friends. I am still a little confused, for my own reasons, as to why people are the way they are, but I have learned from Collette that we can not be mad at someone for being who they are, or get madder that we can not change them. Love exists where there is no judgment. this is pure love. It is not easy have it ...and hold it. To do so means you have to truly let go of self. To just.....be.....and let be. I am working hard at being this person in my life, to be able to just let go. FUCK...it is not easy. Collette showed me, maybe unknowingly, that true beauty is not seen, it is felt. And true beauty is love, and to feel it, you have to stop looking. Collette gave me the ability to feel that love, but I am human and could not hold on.
I had to say goodbye to John, Collette's German Shepard. He has become a friend to me like no other dog, even my best bud Batman. Even though John knew mom was the boss, he gave me a position of alpha in his pak, but still let me know when I was crossing a line. We became very good friend. I think it was hardest saying goodbye to him, as he knows I am not there again and will continue to look out the window each time he hears motorcycle thinking it might be me. Interestingly enough, he won't sit around and sulk about missing me, he will grab a ball and go play...and live in the moment. The goodbye is gone and over. Noe there is a ball in front of me, time to play ball. When he hears that motorcycle again, he will be excited thinking it is me. when it is not....he will play with the ball again, not sulk that it was not me again. I will miss him the most, knowing that he does not miss me but lives in the moment of joy every time he thinks it's me.
Later today I say goodbye to Lynda and Whalen, who have opened their home to me more than once and have become close friends. they shared with me the beauty of friendship and the opportunity to see the beauty of this world of ours. I am thankful that I will get to see them again soon, if things work out.
We as humans could learn alot from our animals. One day I will be able to live fully with that joy that all dogs find in each moment. To live fully in that moment, not in the future that goodbyes bring, or in the past where everything exists as a goodbye. but in that moment. that pure moment of joy. every goodbye is a moment of joy, because I am with that person at that moment.
Today I begin my life of moments. (wow, that is going to be a big journal) I will judge no one. I will NOT judge myself. If I fail, I will move on to the next moment. That which is done is done, and I will not live in the past. I will live each moment without regret and to the fullest for the moment that it is. I will do this for me, to share with others.
Namaste
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