Lonleyness Vs. Lonley

As I write these words, tears fall.  I am not sure why, it is just an emotion that comes around once in a while.  I feel that it may be because I am lonely.  But that word is difficult to define, especially for me.  I am surrounded by so many people that love and care for me, everywhere I stop, I have been welcomed with open arms.  Very little of my time is truly spent alone, so how can I be lonely?  The difference between being alone and being lonely are worlds apart, but are separated by only a very thin line.  this is why, I think, I have such a hard time feeling like I feel lonely, when I am really only alone.  And, again, I am not alone.  Trying to discern the difference in my mind is difficult, especially when emotions get in the way.

I am in a place of peace and happiness.  My heart is truly full of joy.  I am trying (which is a defeating attitude) to draw from the joy in my heart to elevate the loneliness.  But by "trying", I am not truly doing.  I still do not understand why I block myself from implementing the things I know to be true.  But, this is a subject for another time.

I am not sure where I am going with this post.  I suppose, as I said in the beginning, this is Blog is more for me than anyone else.  My writing has always been more for me than anyone else.  It has always been an outlet and a way for me to process.  I have all the answers I need to change my thoughts and there in my emotions.  My friend Collette would say at this moment...."have you read seat of the soul yet?"  And I would say no, but I will soon.  My father.....years ago....would have said "quit being a baby, it ain't that bad< your not dieing".  He would say the same thing today, but he would say it a little softer.  My little brother would say "you ain't lonely, you got me" and we would laugh together.

Better yet, this morning, the owner of the property that I am staying at....whom I have never met (he is the landlord to Mike, the tenant of the building who is letting me park here while I am doing training with his company) knocks on my door and tells me that is happy to have me here and that if I ever come back through SLC, just call him and I am free to park here.  an hour later, I had a great conversation with Robert, the lawn guy across the street.  We had a brief "introduction" of sorts about a week ago.  In less than 1/2 hour of conversation, we knew more about each other and each others character then I have knew about people I have know for many years.  I can call this person my friend.  I will discuss the definition of "friend" another time.  Only to say now, that, no amount of time (knowing someone) can define a friendship.  It is like love at first sight in a way.  You just know.  My friend Paul and I are going shopping and then later tonite we are meeting with a bunch of friends and going to the Toby Keith concert.  Tomorrow I am sure that I will meet new friends at the Salt Flats.  So I ask myself, how can I be alone?

This is the question I will answer.  If not today, then it will be tomorrow.  If not tomorrow, then it will be the next day.  I know this.

The picture is of Robert and I.  My new friend.

Namaste